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a lesson in displacement…

a year ago this time, if you would’ve told me i would be where i am today, i would’ve had a hard time believing it.
a year ago this time, i was plugging along getting ready for a garden party.
i was deeply immersed in my community and in the lives of people i had been with for the past 12 years.
i was just living life, doing normal, routine stuff….
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and, now, here i am.
living in this place of all new and all different and trying to find a new normal and a new routine.
i’ve said so many times in the past two months that being so reassured by God that this was to be our new course has definitely made all this change easier.
but.
that does not mean it’s all a cake walk.
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if i’m really honest i miss so many things about the life we left.
i miss people.
i miss familiarity.
i miss routine.
i miss my house.
i miss my flowers.
i miss my ‘stuff’.
we are living in a rental house that is furnished.
which is so nice in that we did not have to unpack all of our belongings and furniture for this (relatively) short stent here.
but, i’m not going to lie and say i love living in someone else’s ‘stuff’.
oh, it’s not that the ‘stuff’ isn’t nice and in a lot of cases nicer than ours.
no, no.
it’s just that i like my ‘stuff’ and my ‘stuff’ makes me feel at home.
and, since i’m living in someone else’s ‘stuff’ in a house that i know is not permanent, it is hard to feel ‘at home’ or ‘settled in’ or ‘adjusted’.
so carnal, right?
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if there’s two lessons i know i need to learn more of in life, they are ‘flexibility’ and ‘patience’.
and, the funny thing is, i am faced every day with opportunities to learn both of these things in new ways.
some days, i am really okay with these opportunities.
other days, it gets to me way more than i want to admit.
i can give myself little pep talks on how ‘it’s going to feel like we have all new stuff when we are finally in our house and have our own belongings again!’
or i can tell myself that ‘it’s the best of both worlds like this.’
and, while those things are true, this phase we are in is still real and still, in it’s own way(s) challenging.
i think some of these things are more real and difficult for me than anyone else in my house.
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i’m a woman, i’m a HOMEMAKER and i love making a house a home.
i’m realizing how much of my ‘life’ really actually revolves around making a house a home now that i’m not really doing that.
i’m realizing that the mundane, everyday, routine things are what make me feel at home and give me purpose.
so, in some ways, this phase of being displaced and without a house to make a home has made me look at what really does give my life purpose and what really makes me feel fulfilled.
and, in that looking, i’m not always proud of what i find.
at all.
it’s good for me though.
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it’s a new way God has stripped away and is making me refocus.
it’s a new way He is helping me realize my TRUEST worth comes from Him and not what i do or who i am to others.
i’m not really loving this lesson to be honest with you.
i’m not loving how much of my worth has, in the past, come from what i’ve done.
i want to be good at things, yes.
it’s always going to be in my nature to give and help and beautify.
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but, how to work and give and make beautiful because HE is in me and for HIS purpose and not because that is what i am ‘worth’ to others….
a lesson i am s.l.o.w. to fully learn.
being displaced is not my ideal of long-term fun.
but, while i’m here in this place, i sure do hope i can make my time can be worthwhile.
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how have YOU known displacement?
how have YOU experienced worth coming from your works?
how have YOU known true worth in HIM?
i’d love to hear your thoughts….
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love,
Rachel

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5 thoughts on “a lesson in displacement…

  1. I haven’t just moved across the country but somehow I understand this. I feel very “in-between” and waiting and out of sorts a bit.
    Do you know how “temporary” your temporary home is, or is that uncertain too?
    I have to say, while I hate the thought if moving, I’m loving your move vicariously and all the Kansas photos!

    • Rachel says:

      i wish i did know how temporary this is Beth! i so do wish! but, this too is part of the ‘lesson’. even though i would wish it otherwise…
      i’m so glad you are enjoying my pictures and little sagas… i feel the same about you and your sweet miracle baby!!! =)

  2. my first thoughts start on a bit of a rabbit trail. 🙂
    i had more than one conversation about purpose this past week with friends…. new stages and places. my purpose. worth. my interpretation of such. HIS. all of that.

    and then i sat a local historical breakfast event with my “littles,” doing it because some of us 🙂 love history and it was their turn. (eight years ago i had attended the same event with my “big boys.”) not expecting to enjoy the speaker quite like i did… her subject? “What is our purpose?” okay. wow. and she quoted from Jeremiah about “the fire in our bones that needs out.” i cannot stop thinking about it, because i know what those things are. “a fire in my bones” mental search leaves out a lot that i simply enjoy. ya know?

    so to get to your questions… yes. yes. and this actually sums up the third question’s answer, something He first handed to me in a season of displacement back in ’09; Psalm 84, and especially verse 3.

    “Even the sparrow has found a home,
    and the swallow a nest for herself,
    where she may have her young—
    a place near your altar,
    Lord Almighty, my King and my God.”

    which resonates with your words, what He’s been showing you.
    you have an awesome God-given fire in your bones.
    i liked reading what you are learning. survive… to thrive.
    that’s what He does in and for us. much love to you.

    • Rachel says:

      your words Cindy!! SUCH a wonderful rabbit trail! i’m pondering them and re-reading them and letting them soak in.
      i really appreciate your sharing this!
      love right back!

  3. It is really really hard to move away and start over, so to speak. Keep learning the lessons but do not be to hard on yourself! It will take time, but little by little you will grow and blossom where you have been planted. Praying for you!

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