How Are You?!?! it has been such a long time since i have sat down to ‘chat’ with you! actually, let me rephrase that; i have sat down numerous times to tell you about something, and then, something happens that is more pressing or urgent and i walk away telling myself i’ll try to finish up later that day. or the next. and, before i know it, the next day turns into 2 or 3 weeks!
two weeks ago, i sat down to tell you about a morning i do not care to repeat anytime soon.
it was one of those mornings where a certain someone named Ava woke up on the very wrong side of the bed and everything, Every.thing. was a problem.
she came down with a horrible outfit and i sent her back up.
she came down again with ugly cries of ‘i don’t have anything to wear’.
i (not so gracefully) told her that she has tons of clothes and there is no reason she cannot wear something from her drawer or closet, and told her if she could not pick something decent i would come up and do it for her.
well, i ended up going up and yanking out a decent outfit and told her to ‘wear this or stay home’.
(yes, i am aware that is blackmail. and yes, i realize there may come a day in the future when that tactic will not work, but for now, not going to school is devastating and i’m going to capitalize on that when and if i need to)
i slammed the door and went downstairs to try and finish breakfast.
she came down the stairs WAILING and sobbing that ‘this skirt doesn’t fit’.
and, truly it was too big.
so, back up we went and it was all downhill from there.
every thing i pulled out was a problem.
there were tears and loud voices and wishing to bang my head on the wall.
there are just moments when i know i would easily win ‘worst mom in the world’ and that was a morning filled with them.
and, then, i stopped.
i hugged her tight to me and begged her forgiveness.
i realized that i, once again had dropped the ball.
our earlier arrangement of i pick a couple outfits and she chooses from them had fallen by the wayside without really even realizing.
i had left her to herself and given her too much freedom.
the reality of it is, she needs boundaries.
she needs guidance.
she is learning, and i, am supposed to be teaching her.
it was a morning with very high and very low emotional moments.
like i said one i do not care to repeat.
my dear Ava is growing right up and in fact, we celebrated her 6th birthday last week.
6 years old?
how can that be?
wasn’t it just yesterday she was tiny and bald?
i think when i first started writing to you, she was less than a year old.
how the years have flown.
i was also going to tell you about the survival mode that i/we have been in around here with little Miss Kate.
she had a slight sick-spell right on my birthday and it was literally all downhill from there for the next 3 weeks.
she had a case of croup and the doctor put her on a once-n-done dose of steroids which took care of the cough.
let’s just say that she fully embraced the increased appetite and trouble sleeping side affects full-force.
for 48 hours straight, she was eating every two hours and sleeping fitfully in between.
right on the heels of that, she went into teething full-fledged and finally, finally on Thanksgiving day she cut her two bottom teeth.
i’ve said a couple of times to my husband these past days and weeks, that i just feel like a robot.
going thru the motions.
wishing for a break.
sometimes overwhelmed by the blur that has become my life.
it’s a stage, yes.
i’ll survive, indeed.
but, in the midst of the survival, i wish, i long, i need to have more…
i look around these four walls of my home, at the people who share it and i want to just pause.
to just be.
how to balance it all?
how to grow in grace in the midst of life’s stresses and frustrations?
how to embrace and accept this now, these moments of ‘blur’?
i don’t really know.
but, i know i should also be getting back to more of Him and less of me.
indeed, this is a case of less is More.
more Jesus in my vision equals less of me in the focal points of my lens.
big gulps of shame creep up in my throat as i realize how i have let me and myself crowd out Him and His vision for my life.
i’ve been realizing it more and more these past days.
in our semi-conscious, sleep-deprived state, Tim and i talk about these things and i realize through my husband’s much wiser and mature place in life that i’ve let a lot of shoes drop.
with His grace and forgiveness, i want to move on, to move forward, to reconcile the days lost, to try and redeem the time that is left.
the moments from yesterday are forever gone.
mistakes and all.
but, this day, this now, is all i have anyhow.
to embrace it and walk in His vision and purpose
this is my most urgent ‘should be’.
i was able to put up some Christmas lights yesterday.
we have a few other decorations up this year, but here again, we are taking the ‘less is more’ approach.
i am pretty happy that we had our Christmas shopping wrapped up before Thanksgiving this year.
the kiddos are getting one gift and then a few stocking stuffers.
we are going to have ourselves a very merry little Christmas this year with no travels.
as much as i will miss not being with my family over the holiday, i will certainly not miss the long and grueling 24 hour road trip.
we are counting down the days til Aunt Esther and Uncle Tim and the cousins come for New Years and much merry-making.
the older our kids get, the more i know that the Christmases are going to be memorable.
starting our own traditions and enjoying the holiday here wherein we live our everyday lives.
we had our first snow this week.
it was bee-u-ti-ful!
i sent the eldest two out the door for school with their snow boots and warm mittens on and then this little guy wanted to play in the snow.
i was surprised at how long he lasted out in it alone.
it was fun while it lasted.
this week, we are expected to have temperatures in the upper 50’s and 60’s.
i’m actually not very excited about that.
while there are things about the cold that get a bit old, i am always glad when the temps stay cold enough to kill the germs and bugs that make their rounds.
a sweet friend gave me this beautiful agate pan for my birthday.
it is old and has a few chips on the edges.
but, the inside is just right.
i have so enjoyed baking cakes and bars quite a few times in this since her giving it to me a couple weeks ago.
another friend sent me a very pretty sweater/belt combo for my birthday.
packages in the mail?
they are da-bomb!
and, it’s much after the fact, but i did want to tell you about the Thanksgiving luncheon at Ava’s class.
it was so cute.
those little programs that are really so very basic are just the cutest thing.
all of us parents smiling and beaming and snapping pictures.
all of our kids singing and acting shy simultaneously.
it was great.
Ava was very happy to show me her classroom and her friends.
she is LOVING school and plans and anticipates every single day.
and, i’m sure there are more things i will remember i wanted to tell you about after i send this.
but, for now, this will do.
i am looking forward to a week of projects and baking and all things homey.
our evenings will be full as well with 3 Christmas dinners this week.
i hope you have a good week.
i hope to be back in touch soon!