Friday April 13, 2012

my blogging regularity has definitely been slacking off the last while.
i come here to xanga and see it’s been 15 days since i last posted?
really?
where did those days go?
and, before that, it was 24 days?
o well.
it’s called life.
it happens fast and furious sometimes and blogging, as much as i like it, takes a dormant back seat.
but, i’ll resurrect my page today with a very jumbled array of things…




thoughts on friends…

…as if i have any kind of expertise in this area.
baHA!
if anything, i can say that i truly believe i am the voice of INexperience when it comes to how to do and maintain friendships.
i was just talking last night with Tim about one of the friendships of my last 10 years that i now mourn the loss of.
someone i did a lot with at one point and time and now?
never see the person.
we did not have a ‘falling out’…rather, as is the case with pretty much the whole of my life, LIFE moves on and friendships come and go.
but, then, as was the case last night, i’m overcome with feelings of nostalgia and the loss of a friendship reignites within my heart and i feel extreme sadness. and, start down this path of ‘i-am-the-odd-man(woman)-out-when-it-comes-to-friends’ that leads me nowhere and leaves me floundering.
my dear husband listens to my hearts laments and basically offers nothing more…it is a futile discussion really, because i don’t look for answers…rather, need to get it out and ponder this lifelong process that i feel i’m on.
and, here i am writing it on my blog?
seriously?
i’m actually writing this out to get it out of my system, but also, to see what others have to say in relation to this issue…
i feel like my parents raised me to be a stand-alone individual, and to this day, i am ever grateful for the upbringing that has made me the independent person that i am.
but.
independence does not mean you can wing all of life solo and not feel the need or desire for others input and interaction.
when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade…when life hands you rain, you delight in the flowers and beauty after….when life gives you hard places, you work thru them and come out on the other side with a clear picture of what He was doing in you during that hard time…
but, when life hands you friendships, what do you do with them?
how do you fit in to a place wherein everyone around you has always had each other…
how do you relate in a place where everyone has most or all of their family close by…..
how do you roll with the ebb and flow that life can become of people coming and going in your life every.single.year….
how do you raise your children to embrace the friendships life brings to them….
how do you raise your children to not hold too tightly to the friends that they have in life because you know from experience that life will take you down different paths at some point and time….
good questions?
maybe.
maybe not.
i have NO answers.
only experience.
and, the experience that i have?
if i’ve done the right things?
not necessarily.
if i would do things differently if i could?
i don’t know.
i’ve come out at a place where i give me, where i can, when i can, and how i can.
i don’t take others problems upon my shoulders in ways that i must become their best friend to help them…
i try to be the kind of friend i want to have, all the while realizing that does Not mean i will get the kind of friend i want to have.
i try not to compare who i am and what i bring to friendships with who others are and what they bring to friendships. that is a scale that will never be balanced and always, always leave both parties feeling unnecessarily weighted down.
how on earth i’m going to get this through to my kids, i have no blooming idea.
i’m especially grateful for a spouse that balances me out in this area, and who walks this road with me….letting me process and not running me over as i do so.

/////////

11 year Anniverary’s…
ours came and went this past Easter weekend.
a less than 24 hour getaway was better than a 0 hour getaway.
least, that’s what we think.
where we stayed…


and how we are looking…

and, if you really, really want to see how my baby grows by now… with fear and trembling, i give you this….


(if you know me and see me on a regular basis, i’m sorry.
feel free to roll your eyes and groan.
if you don’t see me and have asked me to see my growing girth…there you go.
just under 12 weeks til we meet this wee one…
i am so excited!)

but back to the Anniversary…
it was a wonderful little time away.
stayed at a very Nice hotel that i will definitely recommend and hope to return to.
lovely place.
our kids had a great time without us too, but were glad to see us return
i’m most grateful to couple of young friends who so graciously came and stayed at the house with our kiddos so we could escape.

////

Easter clothes and egg hunts...
wherein we kept it pretty simple.


i was DeLighted to find Ava’s dress at (of all places) Costco for all of $15.

the boys were kind of happy to be all matchy, and while that is still a happy thing, i do believe i will take advantage of the idea.


^^ the candid moments that happen each time mom thinks she wants to capture something..
he will be so proud of these kind of moments captured someday.


^^ the ONLY way Brent does life is whole hog, with gusto and intensity…



we kept it simple again this year, and while simple is still much appreciated and enjoyed by our kids?
we’ll keep it up.

////

3 year old boys…
we now have a three year old.
how??? can that be?
time really does slip away..
to think that three years ago we were just meeting this little guy…

..and now, he is the life of our party.


^^after he blew out the fire….=)

^^most delighted with his birthday present from us..


^^silly brotherhood..


^^all my kids…they look so much like their dad.


^^all three of them at the littlest ones birthday party

////

and, now, with gorgeous weather on the forecast for our weekend here, i’m back to the races.
can’t wait to work outside some more tomorrow and take in the sunshine rays that are promised!
whatever your weekend holds, i hope it’s lovely.

~Rachel

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21 thoughts on “Friday April 13, 2012

  1. The friends piece hits a sensitive part of my heart..I get it! And I have gone around and around in my mind wondering HOW do I maintain the rich and valuable gifts of friendship I have been given over the years? And then I start to wonder..maybe it’s ME can I not do long term and deep? Maybe I have a repellent after three years of relationship! blah blah blah I think you get the picture=) Other observations:Ava’s dress is adorable!Brent is the kind I have made many statements about wanting someday! I like the bold, free thinkers however with nannying one very much like him I am learning that this personality also comes with a will and a sharp stay one steep ahead of Mommy mind. Any good ideas to direct a little free spirit I would value!Miss you~

  2. first of all, as soon as i saw those pictures of the hotel, i jumped right on over to the website to check it out. that is gorgeous!!! what a fantastic time for you guys to get away and enjoy some beauty and being ‘just the two of you’ for a bit. Love it. happy anniversary to you two!!and your little kids…their teethy smiles are so awesome. grinned like a fool when i saw them in each picture 😉 and that picture you captured of Brent as he rushed off to get his eggs was wonderful.the part about friendships really touched me as well…growing up it seems like you[‘ll always have friends and i still remember when i was old enough to truly mourn moving to a new place and having to make friends. i have now been in london for 20 years but i’ve moved away several times and each time coming back has been difficult. its pretty rare that i’m able to remain friends with people from previously in my life, because we’re just at such different places in our lives…but i hear you about longing to have such dear friends and then trying to not be so invovled that you mourn sooo deeply when they are not part of your life at that moment anymore. Thank you for sharing your heart..that is what this place is for (at least for me!) there are so many times when i find myself reading your posts and nodding my head along in agreement with you putting words to thoughts i hadn’t yet been able to unscramble.

  3. Ah, friendships… sometimes I find myself worrying that I’ve become too antisocial.  I have a couple of friendships that have stood the test of time, life, and growing families, but they are few.  I’m always a little torn about this.  On one hand I have little ones at home and I want to be with them, be involved in their lives and they do take center stage right now.  On the other hand they will learn about friendships from me.  It is a delicate balance!The hotel you stayed at looks perfect and romantic.  I love the room you stayed, so light and airy with the cool brick walls!  I’m glad you and Tim could squeeze in some alone time, in another 12 weeks there will be precious little of it ;)Happy Birthday to Brent… what a handsome guy.  Love all the pictures of the kiddos in their Easter finery!  Ava’s dress is so beautiful, I might need to stop off at the clothing section in Costco next time I’m there buying milk and TP 🙂  The picture of Brent with his fingers in his nose was a riot!!Enjoy your weekend friend… you are a good friend to me!

  4. so happy you got to get away for a little! the motel looks perfect.i loved the easter and b-day pics too. 🙂 cute kids!great thoughts on friendships…..life and friendships seem to have no answers for us.

  5. Friendships…such an important part of life and one that not only takes a great deal of wisdom and grace to navigate but also looks different in different peoples lives. I have to say that I am forever grateful for the friends in my life that keep “bugging” me even when it means that nine times out of ten they will be the one to pick up the phone and call and I am equally grateful for the grace of friends that are willing to pick up where we left off even when I’ve horribly neglected them as a friend. I’m not one who can handle a lot of “extras” without my family suffering tremendously and so friendships is definitely something that I have to be intentional about…Happy weekend~

  6. Friendships. Yes. I struggle with these. Need to ‘work’ at it. Wish I could have more, deeper friendships. And yet, at the same time, not really  knowing how to incorporate that into family life. I have moved around quite a bit in my life, so don’t have friends that I have ‘grown up with’. And now I live in a community where it seems like most others HAVE grown up here, and always known each other. And sometimes I let that bother me. I’ve been blessed with a husband who listens, and is a great friend. That hotel–WOW! Looks neat! So nice you could have an anniversary getaway yet before your little one arrives!

  7. I was also raised to be a stand alone individual. I wasn’t really even allowed to have friends, we moved every three years, sometimes more often than that, and I was homeschooled. I was 17 before I really had friends. To this day I still learn the basics of friendships that a lot of people probably learn in their teen years. If I wasn’t a military wife and literally forced into a community where people have to depend on each other to make it through, I would be such a loner. It’s difficult maintaining friendships with people who grew up such a world away from my own. I’m intense and I put all of me into friendships and sometimes that really bites. But you know what, I’m gad I take a risk. I’m also learning not to put so much of myself out at once. I’m learning to let friendships go when they becoming like the one you described… just slipped away. It’s hard to move on, but we have too! You’re so tender hearted and that touches me… Thanks for all the pictures… absolutely adored your daughter’s Easter dress!!! OMG! 🙂 So sweet your kiddos are! 

  8. I went thru this friendship thing last week with tears.I even mentioned your name… 🙂 I called an old friend and told her we’ve got to get the whole tribe together. I was so reminiscing the yesteryears. None of us had ‘falling-outs’ either, but rather life does move on.  She wasn’t really feeling my mood. 🙂   We had a lil work day last week with our remodeling and  ladies showed up with their husbands, of course, they asked, what shall we help you with?? I responded with, LETS JUST BE FRIENDS and sit around together!!!  So we did and it blessed me.I feel your heart on this subject. My parents also raised me to be a stand alone. Happy Anniversary! I so remember most of that weekend, at least, the train ride and the wedding events, not so much on what I said!!! But at least, you and Tim, have SUCH great memories!! bahhaha  Loving the pics of you lovebirds and the precious gift God has so given you.We’ve been watching our calendar for our perfect weekend with the Beachys! I love the gift of friendship we share!

  9. happy anniversary…and wow. that getaway place looks so cool and unique. so glad that you could celebrate without kiddos. :)except for baby number four that is. ha. you look so perfectly pregnant and beautiful. but have just been thinking, if you ever happen to write that book i heard you mention somewhere…i would have some contributions. ;)i really need to reread your thoughts on friends again. it was thought provoking and deep. two things i love about you btwbut not sure what to sort out in a written sentence at the moment!your kids. they sparkle with fun. i love how brent is looking at seth in that one pic. happy end of saturday my friend.

  10. ooh.ohh.ohh! you are just super darling. you make pregnant look really cute. glad life slows down every little once in awhile so you have time for a post : )

  11. That friendship discussion really captured my attention!  It is something that would be so great to discuss IRL. But, I do know that maintaining friendships requires intentionality. I also know that life changes and people come and go and that is sometimes OK too. I also believe that you are a really great friend!  And that you have a healthy sense of self. Sometimes people can get too much of their “life” or “worth” from friendships and that has its own set of issues.  I do think that if thinking of a lost friendship makes you sad, maybe you should revisit that particular one.Loved the pictures of the hotel and your anniversary! What a gorgeous and unique building.  Also, such fun pictures of your kids!   I love how they have ALL perfected the “cheesy smile” look.  And that cake for Brent looks really cute too!

  12. Oh, so many delightful things!! It’s blog catch-up time for me, and I was excited to see a post from you!Friendships, and a new community… I hear your heart, and wish we could just talk. I think you have it harder in a such a big community than I do in a small one… This is a fairly new church/community, and so there are a lot of transplants here. Finding my own place was still hard, and sometimes I still feel like the new girl. But it has helped that there are so many that have moved in, I think. For you, there are GeNeRaTiOnS of families that have lived there forever, and while perhaps not meaning to be inconsiderate, really have no idea what it’s like to move and start all over. As hard as a new place has been for me, sometimes I’ve been thankful that I did have to move. It scares me sometimes to think of how insensitive I’d be to newcomers if I’d still be there…… And old friendships that have changed. Yeah, that’s always sad for me too. I think some of the saddest are ones wherein I’m married and my friend is not, or either doesn’t have children, and expectations I feel from them of expecting as much time from me now as when I was single, and I just can’t do it, so then they feel slighted and unimportant… I’m rambling, don’t know if that makes sense at all… Anyway. :)Your anniversary! at the Cork Factory Hotel!! I’ve only eaten there at the restaurant, but my dad has raved about that place! The rooms are just beautiful! What a treat, and yes, even 24 hours are better than none. 🙂 And YOU look fabulous!! You make pregnancy look so good!! Just a darling little bump! And your shirt is beautiful too…Ava’s Easter dress is beautiful!! When I saw the first picture I also gasped at it, it’s just so pretty! It looks like Baby Gap or something, I couldn’t believe it when  you said Costco! What a find! And happy birthday to little Brent! I forgot he and Olivia are just a month or two apart. Three seems hard to believe for these littles. HOW can they be three already!? I think he and O would get along nicely. They both live life in that full-speed-ahead mode. :)Wishing you a wonderful week, lovely Rachel! ♥

  13. As always, there’s so much loveliness in your blog Rachel!  You look gorgeous w/ your cute little baby bump! There’s so much more i could comment on but since I’m typing one handed I’ll quit w/ this….

  14. You are looking so lovely!  I’m excited to see that little one soon as I’m sure you are as well :)oh and I just love Ava’s Easter dress-everyone looks amazing!  Blessings on your new  week!

  15. the baby bump is adorable, I know its carrying a adorable little chilld just like the other 3! Friends … ugh … I have deliberated over this. Where is the point when you move on from an old friend? How is it that 2 people who I thought were so alike move so far apart with out having “the fall out”? were they really not who the appeared to be? could normal wear and tear of life change us that much? Such a thought provoking post!  I love your heart!!!I also love the old hotel!!! And happy anniversary to you guys!

  16. glowing you…. and random thoughts and pictures and thoughts were a bright spot in my monday morning.i understand the thought of mourning the losses of some friendships as i’ve been feeling the same way.  you are right in that some come and go with where life takes us and yet i have some that are forever and it’s those that i feel like i have failed to keep up with in the last year. loved your deep thoughts.happy monday to you.

  17. Love that you got to get away with your man. Hate that it was so short for you. Love what you wrote about friendships. Hate that I have also been to the “woe is me and my friendships” party for one. Love that God has brought you into my world. Hate that I am one of those “been here forever, and don’t understand what it’s like to be a transplant” people. Love the munchkins in their Easter duds. Hate that I wasn’t organized enough to get similar pictures of my tribe. And no eye rolling here, baby bumps are always cute (on somebody else!) Enjoy your lovely “summer” day!

  18. Your kiddos do look like their dad! The hotel looks great! I love that room.friendships, what can you say about them? I guess the only thing I can say about mine is this, when I think of something to do for a friend, I better do it right then when I think of it or I’ll forget and then be a bad friend. A good, true friend, will understand that life pops up and gets in the way, but when you call out of the blue, 2 years later, and want to chat, she’ll chat. And it will be just like no time passed because she’s been living life too and doesn’t judge.

  19. Wow Rachel what a REAL post. I can so feel with you. Your kids are so dear. Wish are kids could know each other. Jefferson Always hears me talk about my friend Rachel so he thinks your name is” Friend Rachel”.

  20. so much here i wanted to comment on.. then i forgot all i was going to say, since baby girl was beating outside my bathroom door. {yes. usually where i take my internet time during the day. ha!} but, oh!! all that on friendship. i wish we could talk that over. about everyone around you having known each other forever. having family close. yes yes. that is me now!! so tough at times to break through that. you always feel like the outsider in a way. i’ll always be a bit of a loner – like it sounds you are too. for me, my family was always my best friends. in many ways i didn’t “need” anyone else. being here has forced me to reach out. to try. the people here are very social so alot of it is more accepting invitations, etc. then always doing the inviting myself. which makes it easier. but. there are times too i just have to/ NEED to hunker down and draw my little close. being with others can get to be TOO much. but also. i’m learning.. when i’m discouraged. missing family far away – – sometimes it does my heart the world of good to call up a friend and say let’s meet at the park. i think when kids are still little that will always limit time w/ friends. they are first priority. but i’m learning, that just because i have little ones does not mean i need to not invest~ i just do it WITH the kids usually. and i’m not sure any of that makes sense – – i feel i’m typing super fast. and backspacing every other word cause i’m that bad of a speller. espeically typing fast!! :)anyway. you’re not alone on the friendship thing. i get it. and yes. it is something that has different seasons. not everyone is there through them all.. love all the pictures. the hotel. oh, wow!! and your baby belly. so pretty! and the birthday boy and easter outfits. love love it all~gotta run!!! 🙂 🙂

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