Tuesday April 5, 2011

 

just when you know that things are going to be required of you, just when you know that God is going to do something more to make you more His own, it happens.

more change.

more leaving.

more parting.

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dreams are mysterious things.

both the ones that crowd my sub-conscious mind while i sleep, and those that have long taken place within my heart and have painted pictures in my minds eye.

in years past, i’ve said i don’t see myself as a dreamer.

i am by nature a pracitcal and purposeful person, and dreams? how do those things mix with being a dreamer?

but, still, i find my heart dreaming, my minds eye creating pictures of hopes.

pictures of tomorrows that i think would be perfect.

i have dreams from childhood that i look back on as silly. i have dreams from childhood that still fill my mind with questions  because i always thought…it would work that way.

i have dreams from my young adult days that i am so thankful they did not go the way i thought they would go. i have dreams from those days that are still precious and still create a sense of hope and a sense of ‘maybe’ within my heart.

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i cling to some dreams more than others.

i wonder why the dreams, why the heart longings, why the pictures in my minds eye.

why, when life goes nothing like i thought it would, nothing like i think it should.

to see dreams die is hard.

to realize that what you once hoped for is now no chance.

to realize that you know the answer was ‘no’.

but, it is somehow harder to see your dreams lived out through other people.

when you sit back and sincerely rejoice and feel excitement for those who are getting to live a dream that you’ve always had, you find yourself asking ‘why’ in ways that are somehow harder than asking ‘why’ when you have seen dreams die.

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when you are actively involved in others living of your dreams, you wonder if God is playing a joke on you.

you wonder ‘why’ He would do such a thing to you.

you wonder ‘why’ God would do this big thing for them, but not for you.

you wonder ‘why’ God would call those who want to stay, but not those who want to go.

you wonder ‘why’ so many babies for them, and none for you.

you wonder ‘why’ the stellar job with great benefits for them, and the scraping by for you. 

you ask questions.

 you feel selfish.

 you cry.

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 my little mind asks these questions….

wonders these why’s and tries to figure out what this means for my here and now.

and, all i can come up with is:

Faithfulness.

that is what He’s asking of me in the midst of these dreams and giving up of dreams.

faithful here.

faithful now.

faithful in everything.

faithful with what is mine.

faithful in prayer.

faithful in blessing God.

  faithful in praising Him in the calm and the storm.

because even tho’ i don’t get it, He does.

He knows my name.

He knows my every thought.

He sees each tear that falls, and hears me when i pray.

He calls me to faithfulness in the midst of the dreams that paint pictures in my minds eye.

His dreams and mine are not always the same.

even though my head thinks it wants my dreams to be His,

 my heart knows that His dreams must become mine.

somehow.

someway.

one.little.step.at.a.time.

today and tomorrow.

here and now. 

~Rachel

 

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32 thoughts on “Tuesday April 5, 2011

  1. Wow, Rachel, this is sooo powerful! So real, so good, so drawing to God… A lot of those ‘why’s’ have been questions I’ve asked. I’ve always been a dreamer, and the death of my dreams has come hard. But wanting God, choosing God, over my dreams, has been a huge calling the past little while…You articulate this so well. I just wrote a little post this morning sort of along these same lines, but this is written so much clearer! I’m so blessed by reading!

  2. Rachel, how do you manage to so often speak the things that have been in my own heart?  How many times lately I have thought about the path I thought I chose, the safety walls I built so carefully around my family… and now I see myself standing on a road I don’t recognize, with and end I don’t see and those “safety walls” are crumbling.  Through all of that I keep coming back to His faithfulness.  He is everything He said He would be and I need to follow Him FOR THAT REASON ALONE.  Not following reluctantly, asking for signs and assurances at every turn, but confidently because He is the God who sees the end of all things.  I’m realizing it’s time to take the training wheels off my faith.  Love your heart, love your words, love you girl!

  3. this brought tears to my eyes~ it is so so hard to pry our hands free from our dreams isn’t it. to yield and trust and surrender and believe He knows best. i’ve had the last little line to a hymn on my mind the past few days.. can’t even think of what the name of it is, all i can remember is this part – -“this my song through endless ages, Jesus led me all the way.” i may not always like the way He’s leading. but i feel His hand gently guiding. faithful every step just like you so poignantly wrote.love you today my sweet friend.

  4. This is beautiful. I feel like God is speaking to me in so many areas lately….and you and other ladies on here, are just feeding that with the words you share…and I just am thankful for you and them today.  : )

  5. This is so beautifully put into words, Rachel.I hear your hearts cry and I know that God does too!I certainly don’t know the answers to these things either.  I guess if I did…then I would be God. And I am not.

  6. This post reminds me of an old Amy Grant song titled ‘So Glad’ the lyrics say, ” I had laid some mighty plans, thought I held them in my hand, then my world began to crumble all away,. I tried to buid it back again, I couldn’t bear to see it end, how it hurt to know you wanted it that way.  V. 2 Long before my plans were made, I know a master plan was laid, with a power that superseded my control. And if that truth could pierce my heart, I would have wandered from the start trying desperately to make it on my own. Chorus: And I’m so glad, glad to find the reason that I’m happy sad that you’ve torn it all away. And I’m so glad, though it hurts to know I’m leavin’ everything I ever thought that I would be. Once I held it in my hand, it was a kingdom make of sand, but nowyou’ve blown it all away, I can’t belive that I can say, that I’m glad.”  Sometimes, even when we have planned out our paths with the best of intentions and a heart truely seeking to do what HE wants….he rearranges our lives so that we stay sensitive to the leading of His will and desires….our plans and desires don’t hold a candle to his goodwill and love towards us….. 🙂

  7. It has been entirely WAY TOO LONG since I visited your beautiful blog!Seriously, and I am not just whipping this out to flatter you, but this post has some of the most beautiful, genuine, thought-provoking clarity that I have ever read on a  blog.  Your words create a beautiful, painful reality that each of your readers should easily and honestly say ‘Yes. Me too…’. Rachel, you have a gift…thank you for sharing it. I’m going to have to pass this ‘dreamy’ message along. (PS. Even with the Truth, it is hard to let go…and to live your dream through another..I am sorry you’re walking in that reality right now, even though i know there are gifts in within that road).

  8. @jnicolemiller – hmm. yes, the ‘pain in the offering’ is really hard to come to grips with. really hard to say ‘blessed be the name of the Lord’ during the times of painful offering…and, yet. i want to, long to. need to.soooo looking forward to friday morning! and, a HUGE thanks for saving my bacon last night with the eggs. my day was a blur of too many thoughts and not once did i consider the fact that the brownie mix called for 2 eggs and not one. thank you so very much! my company was grateful too!

  9. so deep and profound! I REALLY like that last part about ~His dreams and mine are not always the same.even though my head thinks it wants my dreams to be His, my heart knows that His dreams must become mine.

  10. I don’t know you, but i love to visit your beautiful blog. This post just resinated with me today. Esp. the part of seeing my own dreams lived out in somebody else’s life. Going through that very thing right now. Thankyou Thank you for writing this…dorcas

  11. I got tears behind my eyes…i wanna just sit n CRY. Love you dear. Thanx for this post..it is so real.May He find me faithful….life is so hard sometimes tho!God bless you…you deserve the best.

  12. Rachel, i agree with so many who have said on here that you have voiced the cry of my own heart in so many things. i pray that there will be dreams in your heart that are realized…that not all the answers will be no…and that there will be joy both for you and for others. i so relate to life not looking how i had planned or imagined. and i’m not sure what life would have looked like. i see you are reading ann voskamp…love that book, and one part that really struck me was when her brother in law is looking back on the loss of his son and he says that sometimes perhaps its best that we don’t change the ending of a story or pray for a different ending because we dont’ know what that might look like..God knows and he makes the best choices…sometimes what we see as being better, might turn out worse in the end. that seems a bit depressing but i meant it to say that though our dreams are worth having God’s got awesome dreams as well..sometimes though its so hard to see them until you are able to see them in hindsight.

  13. It makes me think of that verse that says something to the effect of “a man plans his ways but the Lord directs his step”… This post is encouraging and it reinforces my prayer for SURRENDER! to the Lord…and not just in words but in the way I live each day.Hope your week is going well~

  14. good post girl!  Loved this part…His dreams and mine are not always the same. even though my head thinks it wants my dreams to be His, my heart knows that His dreams must become mine

  15. This spoke in a very significant way to my heart when I read it. I’m struggling with some of the same things during this season of my family’s life, and your words were so encouraging. Thank you for sharing this.

  16. Beautiful post! I am in the midst of watching my friend take the dreams that I share with her and making them reality for her! Grrr…Grrr.. BUT I haven’t lost any sleep over it ..yet….BUT at times I’ve felt my blood pressure rise…BUT I will stand on the sidelines and cheer her on. I am also reading the same book by Ann V. Quite inspirational.

  17. you have eloquently shared heart cries that have resonated with us here. and encouraged. i know that they did for me. and btw. your note was just.right. thank you for thinking and praying and taking the time to write and say so. i have it where i can see it often.and feel blessed when i do.

  18. I agree with everything and all that you said ☺ learning to stop wanting my own way and believing His way is the way I should go. Not always easy, but I find myself blessed when I am able to let go and let things be the way He intended for me. You were able to put the words to so many of our thoughts, what a wonderful gift. ~Denise

  19. I noticed you also are reading Ann’s new book.  amazing woman/writer.    You are also amazing Rachel.  Thanks for these rich rich thoughts/words!!  Love you!

  20. One more thing…it’s past midnight, so HaPpY AnNiVeRsArY!!! =)10 is a special one! Have a Happy day together!I’m up waaaaay too late tonight!  I am going to be sorry come 6am!

  21. “when you are actively involved in others living of your dreams, you wonder if God is playing a joke on you.”  Such a tough place to be.  Wishing you the peace of God.

  22. Great post!  I’ve had dreams that have come true, but mostly not in the way I would have imagined.  I love the idea of His dreams becoming ours as we grow in Him.  I also like to think that as Christians some day the dreams that continue to haunt us will come true when we get to Heaven. 

  23. Beautiful post Rachel…. and it so resonated within my own heart.  What would we do without dreams though?  NEVER give them up… they keep us realizing what we really long to do and be and God sees them all.  The hardest part, like you said, is letting HIM control the outcome.  I see HIS faithfulness in you, dear friend, and i hope for you to KeeP DrEAmING.

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