…that is the question.
in the last couple of months i have read one post after the other on reasons why people blog.
which, is funny to me, because, even before this continual reading of whys and why-nots, i’ve been pondering my own reasons for having this little blog.
to be completely honest, when i started out some (close to) 4 years ago, my reasons were pretty vague. i thought it would be an easy way for my family to see what’s going on in our lives, and possibly keep up with a few friends that had xanga accounts at the time.
gradually, those reasons sort of paled, and it became…
a way to document the little happenings in my/our lives, and, or an outlet for my thought-processes and little life lessons.
i wrote a couple of posts that seemed to connect with some people, and i realized people were actually subscribing and commenting.
i subscribed to some neat sites, found some interesting people, and more and more realized i had found a way of connecting without leaving the comforts of my home, at the drop of a hat, without the trial of phone conversing with little children vying for my every second of attention.
writing my thoughts, writing letters, writing notes has ALWAYS been an outlet i really enjoy. i have declared myself much better at writing than speaking many a time, and still that remains true. i can ‘neatly’ convey my thoughts on paper or on the computer…in person, i feel a little less sure of myself.
i’ve grown quite fond of posting pictures that i’ve taken, pictures that i love, i’ve talked many a time about little projects, different decor, or things i’ve enjoyed sharing here in my little blogosphere.
i’ve had a couple of you guest post for me, and LOVED that experience of sharing my world with you, your world with me.
i’ve met some of you in real life, and that has been a very exciting experience….to actually be in the physical presence of someone whom i feel like i ‘know’ already.
and, still, i wonder what makes me post anything, anyday, EVER.
i could look at the vast sea of incredibly amazing, inspiring, motivational, encouraging and over-the-top beautiful blogs out there, and think why would anyone care to read my blog? why would i think what i put out there is worth anything? who do i think i am?
and, trust me.
those thoughts have almost had me shutting down this sight many a time.
that and thoughts of ‘oh, this is so crazy….connecting? online? come on. be real about it and write a letter!’
still i persist.
well, when i really stop and think about it, i think i persist because blogging, somehow, someway, has helped me.
putting those thoughts out there, writing my words for someone else to see, actually verbalizing so many things that otherwise i would not have the chance to……it’s helped me to become more aware of this thing of being ones own self.
it’s given me a cause to examine my motives, my actions, my ‘why i do what i do’ on more than one occasion.
it’s given me opportunity to ‘speak’ into things that i feel are important, that i am enthusiastic about, that i feel are truth.
i’ve made myself vulnerable on more than one occasion with the things that i’ve written…and, it’s character building and somehow stretching to do that.
it’s taken me down the path of yesteryears, yesterdays, present and even my tomorrows.
it’s put things in perspective to sit and form my ideas, my thoughts, my opinions.
it has, in a sense, brought me into my own.
and, with the coming into one’s own, you realize that you are a product of your past.
you are a result of choices made.
you are an example of some kind to someone.
you are a work in the making.
and, so, i blog on.
i continue to put stuff out there here at ‘foreveranoatneygirl’ because, that is who i am.
forever an Oatney girl.
forever the eldest daughter of Brent Oatney.
which, in itself, is a defining of me.
a looking back into my yesteryears.
when i first started this blog, that was my chosen name because, it is a part of my story that has been with me from the first breath i took.
and, will be til the last breath i breathe.
i continue to come into my own as i wear the labels i’ve always had….
i continue to come into my own with new labels tacked on…
i continue to come into my own as i fumble thru experiences shared…
i continue to come into my own as i’ve gone from my twenty’s into my thirty’s…
i continue to come into my own as i realize each of us has a story to tell, and this can be mine right here….
even if it’s for nobody but me.
sometimes, somedays, you just know you should do something.
you just know that it’s putting yourself in an even more vulnerable position, but, you trust and you hope and you pray that because you step out in faith God will be gracious and see you thru the journey.
this journey of life…
this journey of life that has and is leading me to be His own, not just my own.
i’ve realized that maybe, just maybe my coming ‘into my own’ story could help someone else in their journey, in their own finding of their way.
and, so, i’ve been toying with the idea of changing my blog’s name to n2Hisown_foreveranoatneygirl.
because, i feel it’s time to change not only my blog name, but some of my blog focus.
so…in the very near future, that is my plan.
to change the name, to put a different feel to this little place that feels like home, to verbalize more what being His own means to me…
not that from that point on all things will be different, but from that point on, some things will be different.
and, i don’t even totally know what that looks like.
i just know, i just feel, i just believe it’s time
and, somehow, hopefully, in my weakness, He can be seen as strong.
and, maybe, just maybe in my sharing pieces of life, pieces of my falterings and failings and victories and triumphs, you can find courage to not only come in to your own, but into His own as well.
because, at the end of the day, at the end of life itself, being made n2Hisown will be what really counts.
and, that, is why i blog on.