Friday April 1, 2011

 

 

…that is the question.

in the last couple of months i have read one post after the other on reasons why people blog.

which, is funny to me, because, even before this continual reading of whys and why-nots, i’ve been pondering my own reasons for having this little blog.

to be completely honest, when i started out some (close to) 4 years ago, my reasons were pretty vague. i thought it would be an easy way for my family to see what’s going on in our lives, and possibly keep up with a few friends that had xanga accounts at the time.

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gradually, those reasons sort of paled, and it became…

a way to document the little happenings in my/our lives, and, or an outlet for my thought-processes and little life lessons.

i wrote a couple of posts that seemed to connect with some people, and i realized people were actually subscribing and commenting.

i subscribed to some neat sites, found some interesting people, and more and more realized i had found a way of connecting without leaving the comforts of my home, at the drop of a hat, without the trial of phone conversing with little children vying for my every second of attention.

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writing my thoughts, writing letters, writing notes has ALWAYS been an outlet i really enjoy. i have declared myself much better at writing than speaking many a time, and still that remains true. i can ‘neatly’ convey my thoughts on paper or on the computer…in person, i feel a little less sure of myself.

i’ve grown quite fond of posting pictures that i’ve taken, pictures that i love, i’ve talked many a time about little projects, different decor, or things i’ve enjoyed sharing here in my little blogosphere.

i’ve had a couple of you guest post for me, and LOVED that experience of sharing my world with you, your world with me.

i’ve met some of you in real life, and that has been a very exciting experience….to actually be in the physical presence of someone whom i feel like i ‘know’ already.

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and, still, i wonder what makes me post anything, anyday, EVER.

i could look at the vast sea of incredibly amazing, inspiring, motivational, encouraging and over-the-top beautiful blogs out there, and think why would anyone care to read my blog? why would i think what i put out there is worth anything? who do i think i am?

and, trust me.

those thoughts have almost had me shutting down this sight many a time.

that and thoughts of ‘oh, this is so crazy….connecting? online? come on. be real about it and write a letter!’

but……

still i persist.

why?

well, when i really stop and think about it, i think i persist because blogging, somehow, someway, has helped me. 

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putting those thoughts out there, writing my words for someone else to see, actually verbalizing so many things that otherwise i would not have the chance to……it’s helped me to become more aware of this thing of being ones own self.

it’s given me a cause to examine my motives, my actions, my ‘why i do what i do’ on more than one occasion.

it’s given me opportunity to ‘speak’ into things that i feel are important, that i am enthusiastic about, that i feel are truth.

i’ve made myself vulnerable on more than one occasion with the things that i’ve written…and, it’s character building and somehow stretching to do that.

it’s taken me down the path of yesteryears, yesterdays, present and even my tomorrows.

it’s put things in perspective to sit and form my ideas, my thoughts, my opinions.

it has, in a sense, brought me into my own.

and, with the coming into one’s own, you realize that you are a product of your past.

you are a result of choices made.

you are an example of some kind to someone.

you are a work in the making.

and, so, i blog on.

i continue to put stuff out there here at ‘foreveranoatneygirl’ because, that is who i am.

forever an Oatney girl.

forever the eldest daughter of Brent Oatney.

which, in itself, is a defining of me.

a looking back into my yesteryears.

when i first started this blog, that was my chosen name because, it is a part of my story that has been with me from the first breath i took.

and, will be til the last breath i breathe.

i continue to come into my own as i wear the labels i’ve always had….

i continue to come into my own with new labels tacked on…

i continue to come into my own as i fumble thru experiences shared…

i continue to come into my own as i’ve gone from my twenty’s into my thirty’s…

i continue to come into my own as i realize each of us has a story to tell, and this can be mine right here….

even if it’s for nobody but me.

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sometimes, somedays, you just know you should do something.

you just know that it’s putting yourself in an even more vulnerable position, but, you trust and you hope and you pray that because you step out in faith God will be gracious and see you thru the journey.

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this journey of life…

this journey of life that has and is leading me to be His own, not just my own.

i’ve realized that maybe, just maybe my coming ‘into my own’ story could help someone else in their journey, in their own finding of their way.

and, so, i’ve been toying with the idea of changing my blog’s name to n2Hisown_foreveranoatneygirl.

because, i feel it’s time to change not only my blog name, but some of my blog focus.

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so…in the very near future, that is my plan.

to change the name, to put a different feel to this little place that feels like home, to verbalize more what being His own means to me…

not that from that point on all things will be different, but from that point on, some things will be different. 

and, i don’t even totally know what that looks like.

i just know, i just feel, i just believe it’s time

and, somehow, hopefully, in my weakness, He can be seen as strong.

and, maybe, just maybe in my sharing pieces of life, pieces of my falterings and failings and victories and triumphs, you can find courage to not only come in to your own, but into His own as well.

because, at the end of the day, at the end of life itself, being made n2Hisown will be what really counts.

and, that, is why i blog on.

~Rachel

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15 thoughts on “Friday April 1, 2011

  1. i was so worried that you were going to stop blogging. i really enjoy what you’ve been writing. i am glad that you are just going to change the name and where you’re focusing. I have had friends change their blogs in honor of the changes in their life…and i’m glad that they’ve continued to write. this was a beautiful thing to read to see how you started off and how you have moved into growing and changing and seeing yourself in a different life.keep up the good work.

  2. I was sad I thought it was a “I may stop blogging” blog.  Because I just found you!!!  And I love “your little corner of the blogosphere”…and I am glad you shared the meaning of your blog title, since I am newer, I always wondered but didn’t want to seem nosy and ask.  I really enjoy your words and your pictures and your comments and friendship. πŸ™‚ Melissa

  3. I enjoyed catching up on your blog on this snowy day. πŸ™‚ Yep, I’m in Pennsylvania, and was here for God’s April Fool’s joke this morning. πŸ™‚ My kids were ecstatic. But I realized I haven’t been on xanga for the past couple of weeks hardly at all, and missed at least 5 of the last posts you did! I so enjoyed the wedding/family time pictures, the darling paper book you made (and oh my, I can relate to having a love affair with paper, it’s really quite ridiculous. but my stash isn’t nearly as cute as yours!), the sweet pictures of everyday life… This is a beautiful place to visit! ♥

  4. I’m excited for you Rachel!  Looking forward to seeing you come into to His own… hearing more of your voice… which is beautiful.  I’m so glad the answer was “TO blog”!!  Your really had me worried 

  5. One part of this post that I could really connect with was how you expressed feeling like “What do i have to offer when there are so many better writers out there.” I definitely struggle with that at times.Glad you are continuing to blog…glad you are following the Spirit’s leading in HOW to go about doing that.I, for one, DO care about what you write and really enjoy reading your thoughts and seeing your pictures.

  6. I could so relate to the “to blog or not to blog” question.  Some of it for the same reasons and some for different ones.  I love the way you are seeing through the conflict and acting purposefully.  I’m excited you are staying!

  7. Why do you blog?! TO BE A WITNESS!! We can’t reach out and touch everyone in this world but we sure can touch a few. Very encouraging to hear the new changes that are ahead for your blog…we could ALL stand to do a little bit of stepping back and refocusing on our true purpose here on this Earth!

  8. love that picture of you and your girly. it really spoke to me. i think you could keep your current name but have “Into His Own” by foreveranoatneygirl added into the header… follow me? it’s just a thought! I have also found myself and found God in a deeper way through blogging. A couple months ago I changed the name of my blog from “lorennmeg” to “martintreehouse” because after five years we are now a family of three! I wanted the blog name to reflect that. 

  9. Wow. Again…I am nodding as I am reading every line. Yes to that, that and that. Oooohh, yes, especially that (being that it’s so easy to look at the hundreds of other blogs and think ‘why am i doing this?).And yet…it really is for the writer more than anything, isn’t it? In addition, I hope to print my blog out for it will be the one big baby book for ALL the children. As adults, the can pass it between families, like a big ‘ol Family Bible, looking over the documentation of their childhood from their crazy mama’s perspective. ;)Hope to still see you on Friday? (PS. You know Clarita Barkman Yoder, right? I think I’ve seen her comment on your blog? Anyhoo, there is a chance she is coming with her cousin, Janelle, as she is in town!!).

  10. Yes, yes, you said so well what I’ve been feeling.  I know I felt, too, like I want to have more of a God-honoring focus instead of a place for me to put myself out there.  In some ways, I thought a name change would help, but I haven’t gotten that far.  Right now I have a lot of blogs going, and I’ve wondered if I should combine some–change my focus on where I spend time…?  I’m still grappling with the practical part of the decision I made in my heart.  Your blog is one of my favorites.  Because here I can depend on reading truth, and I always get a sense of grace and restfulness when I’m here.  It’s like a mini-retreat. πŸ™‚  Love to you~

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